all together, with feeling now

Peering through the light.

This Christmas eve finds me rather pensive.

There is a wistfulness that I’ve been unable to shake since last night – I suppose meeting up with people from your past does that to you. They’ve gone down one path together, and I, alone, have gone far down another, and yet somehow I wish we were all still together. And yet I do not, because I know there was no way we could’ve. So many lost shared moments, so many times I wasn’t there.

I don’t know.

When I look back on 2009, it was so eventful… Coping with a new job, eczema that ate into every aspect of my life, getting engaged to my one great love, planning and preparing for the wedding, a large shake-up in my family, becoming an auntie again. Sometimes it was so trying, I was ready to give up. Till today, to be honest, I still feel like my head is just above the water. I’m treading, treading, treading.

But, really. Where would I be without you, M? Where would I be without you, my darling friends? Where would I be without love, and laughter?

The people I love have sustained me a lot this year, especially in times when I had no more physical or mental strength left over to pull me through. I know though that eventually I have to be the one to haul myself out of the water, and I promise when I gather enough energy, I will.

And that’ll be what 2010 is for – to find my footing again, to rise above it all, a stronger person. It may be a ridiculously silly thought, but I can already feel it – 2010 will be a good year, brimming with promise :)

{images by Julia, via Lost}


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