all together, with feeling now, Weddings

Here, have a slice of hindsight.

As more time elapses between the wedding and the present day, it feels like an eternity ago. But one thing has stuck in my mind all this while – how shocked I was by the difference in how I thought I’d feel on the day, and how I actually felt. I’d pictured it to sweep me up with emotion, carry me away on a cloud… I’d be literally in bliss. But I wasn’t. I was happy most of the day (there were frustrating points), but if wasn’t the happiest day of my life. As much as I’d orchestrated it to be, choreographed the flowers and music and soft candlelight and vows and birdcage veil – it wasn’t.

There, I’m admitting it. I was a bit confused and overwhelmed by my wedding. I loved having people who mattered to us all there in one place – people who’d travelled from overseas to be there, busy people who’d set aside the evening to be present. (And you have my gratitude and love.) But I was too busy smiling and talking and walking around to really be in the moment.

So, post wedding, I was hit by a few things that were totally different from what I’d expected. So here are six things the present me would’ve liked to tell the then me, six months after…

One.

 Honey, on the day itself, it will never – not in a million years – feel like it was just you two. Unless you had a wedding posse size of 0, and such similar guest list denominations. Which we didn’t. X 300.

Two.

M’s delightful friend who hates your guts will turn up in a frilly, anime-scary, bright pink and black hoot of a dress. Turns out you didn’t have to fret about inviting her after all! She made it totally worth tolerating her forced congratulations and limp handshake (while I stifled a chuckle). (Divine intervention.)

Three.

The family you love/hate/love will still be that family on the day, in all their weird, annoying and lovable glory. Case in point – my dad – still stubborn. My mum’s family – still won’t smile in photos. My auntie – flamboyantly dressed as ever.

Four.

Use Hollywood tape instead of that lousy 3M imitator… Then my evening gown shots won’t all look like my boobs were about 30 cm lower than they are.

Five.

The wedding photos and video really do just go into a drawer / corner somewhere. The memory is much more powerful than we give it credit for.

And lastly…

Six. You’re right. The marriage will be so much more fulfilling than the wedding could ever be.

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6 thoughts on “Here, have a slice of hindsight.

  1. hi zee thanks for sharing, #2 had me in stitches! self-destruction can be such poetic justice. power to you for handling the otherwise delicate situation with such grace :)

    • theletterzee says:

      hello missjabok! indeed, when i saw her in that dress i seriously looked up and smiled. it was classic divine intervention :) … and to be honest, it took a lot of debating (within myself and with M) to decide to go ahead and invite her. (well, our compromise : she gets stashed at the table right at the back, blocked by the pillar.) so i wasn’t as graceful as other people might’ve been after all…

  2. #5! That’s what I always think so I’m delighted I’m hearing someone else say it too! You wouldn’t believe it but there was one day when I was toying with the idea of emailing you about being married at our age. I know… we really don’t know each other that well but your insight would be so very meaningful. Then I thought, sheesh, I’m such a creep. How are you supposed to really answer the question right?

    • theletterzee says:

      Hey Melly! Oh nah I wouldn’t have thought you were being a creep! :) Haha that’s an interesting question indeed, something I’ve thought about quite a bit. But yes it definitely is hard to answer! LOL

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