Let me start by saying that I don’t really know who the dozens of you who’ve so kindly continued to read my blog are. I don’t know whether I actually know you in real life, or if you’re a stranger sharing the same city, or if you live halfway across the world and in a different timezone. I have, though, many times wondered who you are and what your story is, and how or why we share this little connection. And that connection, however trivial and virtual, means a lot to me.
Therefore, despite this being really hard to admit – considering its ramifications (as there are people in my life whom I haven’t told) – here’s the deal.
I quit my job as a brand strategist a couple of weeks ago to go freelance. This is in part because I needed a break (badly), and circumstances converged to allow that to happen.
It is also because I finally allowed myself to completely embrace the fact that life is too short to not do what you love. I’ve always loved singing and musical theatre. Few things in life make me as happy as being on stage do. (Also, few things make me as nervous. But that’s another matter.)
I tried for five years to really believe that having a successful career in branding would suffice. That it would fill up all the little holes inside; that doing something that I was good at (and that I fairly enjoyed) AND that earned me a decent salary was the only sensible thing to do. I also tried so hard to be the dutiful daughter and do what wouldn’t break my mum’s heart. i.e. Ignore the stage and focus on the ‘real world’.
What really got me thinking though was the question – “In this life, what would you regret not doing / getting to do?”
My internal reply was unequivocally “Not getting back on stage and feeling that alive again. That’d be the ONE thing.”
So after much questioning and many “maybe give it a couple more months…”, I was ready.
Not gonna lie – it’s been really daunting starting down this road.
Equal parts scary and exciting, and so lonely at times.
It’s been quite something adjusting to a freelancer schedule. There’s a lot of waiting involved (waiting for freelance jobs to come in, waiting for freelance job money to be paid, waiting for the right courses to come up, waiting for auditions to come up, waiting for news on auditions,…), and often it feels like a pipe dream – so radical and unreal and just slightly out of reach, that it must not exist.
I’m immensely thankful for the love and support of M, yibs, and my friends; they are the buoys that keep the dream afloat for a little while, on days when I’m too tired to tread water on my own. Might seem small, those words; but oh, so important.
You just have to keep on keepin’ on, I suppose.
So that’s what I’m going to be doing, and I just thought you should know, Dear Reader. Thank you for always being there.