all together, with feeling now

“what if I fall?”, said one. said the other : “oh, my darling, what if you fly?”

Over the weekend I caught up with two close girlfriends. We talked about our perfectionist streaks, but not in that glowy pseudo-self-consciousy passively-proud-of-it way people do these days … We talked about how it resulted in us getting in our own way. We couldn’t really be happy and find peace if we kept clinging on to these unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.

Worry and anxiety are freelancers’ (and business owners’) uneasy bedfellows, because you worry about continuity, about not finding work, about auditions and fucking up at them, about the work you currently have, that you’re balancing with 3 other things at the moment.

Especially when your work is your dream goal, the stakes are that much higher, and it becomes that much harder to let go of your own stranglehold on how much you want it to come true.

But sitting with it – making peace with it – and just doing your best and recognising the rest is out of your control, is such obvious advice but it works, for me. Some days are obviously easier than others, but I’m determined to start letting peace in more.

So this little quote struck home because it reminds me that having set out and done “it” (in this case, just completing an audition that I had a day to prepare for!), is more significant and more worthy than achieving perfection.

In other news, 10 days to New York! Crazy daisies.

Have a brilliant week of getting things done – and not (necessarily) perfect – ladies and gentlemen! Love x

all together, with feeling now


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! 
—Rudyard Kipling

all together, with feeling now

Today is

for awesome.

Popiah and teh peng for breakfast

then cake and a stroll around NTUC with one of my dearest girlfriends,

holed up at home and practised singing in air-conditioned relief,

took the plunge and bought Bombay Bicycle Club’s latest album (yay happy music),

and looking forward to meeting the Glass Anatomy ensemble folk for a theatre show & supper after.


There’s a lot of words to call out
Just waiting for the perfect hideout”

all together, with feeling now


Back from Shanghai, and post-production blues have hit like a wall.

It was an incredible experience, tough and frustrating and exhilarating and so much fun all at once. I miss it already.

Productions are funny things – they are such intense connections – with other people, and the places, stories and characters within. When the run is over, the costumes and props are packed up, the set and light rigs dismantled, the theatre cleared, the people separated… and it’s almost as if it never happened. It evaporates into thin air. This is part of the magic of theatre, of course. But it’s also such a good reminder to treasure the experience while it is happening. To be present through it all :-)

all together, with feeling now

In the words of Elphaba,

“I think I’ll try defying gravity!”

Because magic broomsticks don’t exist (alas), the next best alternative for me was Antigravity Yoga.

Earlier this month, I signed up for a one-week trial with Upside Motion – for $55, you get unlimited classes for a week. I attended three classes in that week, and tried out two Xtend Barre classes and one Antigravity Yoga class at the City Hall studio.

I’ll talk about Xtend Barre next time – but suffice to say, that workout is no joke. Not all placid plies at the ballet barre, believe me! Phew.

But Antigravity Yoga. I thought, first class, they’re gonna get you to do really basic stuff. No inversions or anything.

I was wrong.

Within 30 minutes, we were trying inversions.

Of course, the instructor Saniya “built” us up to the inversion, getting us to stretch fully and engage our core muscles first, while also teaching us how to use the hammock. She was great – very clear, patient and detailed. Great calming energy too.

The feeling of being upside down – and not connected to the ground in any way – was VERY weird. Getting my hands to not try to hold on to the floor seemed impossible, not to mention how disorienting it was to be completely topsy turvy.

Then the teacher said to me, ” Just let go of your fears. Trust the hammock.”

And I thought, “But I may just fall and break my neck! Or my shoulder! What if … What if …”

Then another voice in my head said, “But really, what’s the worst that could happen? Maybe you WON’T fall. Maybe it’ll work.”

And so I let go of my hands and let myself hang.

And I did. Nothing bad happened. I stayed in one piece.

WHOA. Weird.

We tried the inversions two more times after that, and also other fun things like swinging, “flying”, and cocooning in the hammock. I left the class feeling a bit woozy, but potentially it was just the post-panic / fear / disorientation / adrenaline happening.

Then I signed up for the package, and in the week that passed before I went for another class, I kept thinking back to that feeling of weird scary exhilaration when I was topsy turvy. It was also a small victory for me, conquering my fears and just taking a leap of faith even though I was terrified.

During the second class, I could really just enjoy the inversion because it felt easier, freer – I mean, your body still needs to work its core and your legs, and you need to stay relaxed not tense in the rest of your body, but it felt … good. I wasn’t scared any more. And coupled with the fact that it’s such a good stretching and conditioning class, I can see how this could be addictive.

And seeing how I’ve lined up two more Antigravity classes next week (My usual idea of punishing workout schedule is exercise once a week, by the way.), that alone speaks volumes :-)

Upside Motion

City Hall & Bukit Timah studios

all together, with feeling now



This time of year – when we traverse that little bridge of time that connects this year last year and next year this year – always feels kind of momentous to me.

Looking back, 2013 was a pretty epic year of growth and change. I haven’t felt so frightened and vulnerable and exhilarated and uncertain in a long time.

In some ways, it was also a year of reinstatement. I reinstated “me”, and gave life to the thoughts and desires and stirrings I’d tucked away years ago. I used to feel so detached and absent and eventually numb, but I’m awake now. Here again. Hard work that continues on and on, oh yes, but undeniably worthwhile.

2014 is another blank slate, really – that has made it somewhat hard to let go of 2013 (very rational, Zee!). But despite being down with a icky flu after Christmas and into the New Year – and despite looking at my bank account yesterday and having a 3am panic attack meltdown –  I catch myself smiling at nothing, like this afternoon when I stood at my living room window and took in the sunset and noisy kids below my block. Me. Smiling. Like an idiot.

It’s not the flu meds, I don’t think.

Must be all the “quality” TV I’ve been watching while zoning out on the couch :-) The only perk of being sick, I say!

The pre-Christmas week whizzed by in a blur of festive gatherings, then we were off to Taiwan for 8 days with the husband’s family. Taipei was great, I really fell in love with that city and am plotting ways and means to return this year hopefully when it’s less cold and rainy.

We counted down to the new year at a friend’s house, and we played Uno and ate hawker centre food. Nice and low-key.

In the new year, I think I may try to pick up yoga again.

Shoo, flu!

And I will try to live this :

I hope you have a nice lazy January, or a revving purposeful January – whichever you’d like most to have! xx

(Etsy | Pinterest)