In the words of Elphaba,

“I think I’ll try defying gravity!”

Because magic broomsticks don’t exist (alas), the next best alternative for me was Antigravity Yoga.

Earlier this month, I signed up for a one-week trial with Upside Motion – for $55, you get unlimited classes for a week. I attended three classes in that week, and tried out two Xtend Barre classes and one Antigravity Yoga class at the City Hall studio.

I’ll talk about Xtend Barre next time – but suffice to say, that workout is no joke. Not all placid plies at the ballet barre, believe me! Phew.

But Antigravity Yoga. I thought, first class, they’re gonna get you to do really basic stuff. No inversions or anything.

I was wrong.

Within 30 minutes, we were trying inversions.

Of course, the instructor Saniya “built” us up to the inversion, getting us to stretch fully and engage our core muscles first, while also teaching us how to use the hammock. She was great – very clear, patient and detailed. Great calming energy too.

The feeling of being upside down – and not connected to the ground in any way – was VERY weird. Getting my hands to not try to hold on to the floor seemed impossible, not to mention how disorienting it was to be completely topsy turvy.

Then the teacher said to me, ” Just let go of your fears. Trust the hammock.”

And I thought, “But I may just fall and break my neck! Or my shoulder! What if … What if …”

Then another voice in my head said, “But really, what’s the worst that could happen? Maybe you WON’T fall. Maybe it’ll work.”

And so I let go of my hands and let myself hang.

And I did. Nothing bad happened. I stayed in one piece.

WHOA. Weird.

We tried the inversions two more times after that, and also other fun things like swinging, “flying”, and cocooning in the hammock. I left the class feeling a bit woozy, but potentially it was just the post-panic / fear / disorientation / adrenaline happening.

Then I signed up for the package, and in the week that passed before I went for another class, I kept thinking back to that feeling of weird scary exhilaration when I was topsy turvy. It was also a small victory for me, conquering my fears and just taking a leap of faith even though I was terrified.

During the second class, I could really just enjoy the inversion because it felt easier, freer – I mean, your body still needs to work its core and your legs, and you need to stay relaxed not tense in the rest of your body, but it felt … good. I wasn’t scared any more. And coupled with the fact that it’s such a good stretching and conditioning class, I can see how this could be addictive.

And seeing how I’ve lined up two more Antigravity classes next week (My usual idea of punishing workout schedule is exercise once a week, by the way.), that alone speaks volumes :-)

Upside Motion

City Hall & Bukit Timah studios

http://www.upsidemotion.com

https://www.facebook.com/UpsideMotion

fail better.

Wise words.

And it rhymes! Double score.

(via Pinterest)

I would like a grey cat. I’d call him Bob.

(Pinterest)

surrounded by vastness and silence.

Hordaland Fylke, Norway

 I would like to be here right now. :)

(via Pinterest)

henceforth.

 

This time of year – when we traverse that little bridge of time that connects this year last year and next year this year – always feels kind of momentous to me.

Looking back, 2013 was a pretty epic year of growth and change. I haven’t felt so frightened and vulnerable and exhilarated and uncertain in a long time.

In some ways, it was also a year of reinstatement. I reinstated “me”, and gave life to the thoughts and desires and stirrings I’d tucked away years ago. I used to feel so detached and absent and eventually numb, but I’m awake now. Here again. Hard work that continues on and on, oh yes, but undeniably worthwhile.

2014 is another blank slate, really – that has made it somewhat hard to let go of 2013 (very rational, Zee!). But despite being down with a icky flu after Christmas and into the New Year – and despite looking at my bank account yesterday and having a 3am panic attack meltdown –  I catch myself smiling at nothing, like this afternoon when I stood at my living room window and took in the sunset and noisy kids below my block. Me. Smiling. Like an idiot.

It’s not the flu meds, I don’t think.

Must be all the “quality” TV I’ve been watching while zoning out on the couch :-) The only perk of being sick, I say!

The pre-Christmas week whizzed by in a blur of festive gatherings, then we were off to Taiwan for 8 days with the husband’s family. Taipei was great, I really fell in love with that city and am plotting ways and means to return this year hopefully when it’s less cold and rainy.

We counted down to the new year at a friend’s house, and we played Uno and ate hawker centre food. Nice and low-key.

In the new year, I think I may try to pick up yoga again.

Shoo, flu!

And I will try to live this :

I hope you have a nice lazy January, or a revving purposeful January – whichever you’d like most to have! xx

(Etsy | Pinterest)

Self-inflicted cruelty : food recollections at 12.39am.

A delightful, fruity trifle at Hawksmoor.

Perfect fish and chips in a quiet fish place (forgot the name) in Angel.

Delectable pork sliders with jalapeños at Opera Tavern in Covent Garden.

And this calamari with fried garlic flakes and curry leaves (I think?) that I still dream about, from Hix.

This ties up the chronicles of our Europe trip in August. It really was glorious and I’m so glad we had those adventures.

This Saturday, we’ll be off to Taiwan with M’s family – I am looking forward to chowing down on street eats, enjoying the cool weather and family time. In the meantime, this week is shaping up to be a flurry of catching up with close friends over more food, which is my idea of heaven. Happy to be having distractions from the infamous post-production blues (since Red Riding Hood ended 3 days ago).

May you all have a lovely pre-Christmas week – eat lots, laugh lots, and have a great holiday break! Love, Z.

Reykjavik, I fell hard.

Iceland, you are breathtaking.

You were also surprising.

You were grey and moody and rainy most days in summer, except for one glorious merciful day when we took the 4×4 jeep tour to see the waterfalls and geysers. You lit up, and we lit up with you.

I hiked up a freakin’ glacier for 3 hours without a harness – just a pickaxe and crampons – and hurt my ankles and really almost fell off and died. It was the single most frightening thing I’d ever done and it goes top on the list of “Things I’m glad I did but will never EVER do again”.

We discovered a cute Thai noodle shop, and ate a delicious hot piping bowl of noodles like three times over five days because it was soo good and comforting in the rain and the cold.

You’ve produced some really fine male specimens. Really. (Ahem.)

Lamb hotdogs – never thought I’d try it and like it, but I did. A lot.

You had the most diverse range of landscapes within a few hours’ drive I’ve ever experienced … the colours – from green and blue, to brown, to black, to bluish-white ice – were mesmerizing.

I want to return again in some years’ time, to watch the Northern Lights maybe and explore the Northern part of the country.

Rising from the quicksand.

It’s 1.49am, and I can hear David Attenborough on the telly explaining exotic birds’ mating rituals. I am also half-listening to the damp, cool silence outside the window – and cars in the distance, making their way someplace. I can make out taxis, trucks, cars, and I imagine their individual journeys as they pass by on the wet roads below.

Peace is nice.

I wish I could sleep and forget this day, but I can’t.

I had an audition today, and it didn’t go so well.

I had worked very hard over the past few days to do well at it. In fact, I worked at it and attended it despite some personal stuff that’s been going on in the background. But it seems I tend not to do so well at auditions because nerves and self-consciousness take over. Perhaps it’s also the beginners’ grind (stuff that gets better with practice and you just have to keep at it till it gets better). It still sucks though to disappoint yourself. To throw away 3 days of work in just 3 minutes, well. It hurts.

Auditions are funny things.  They are inherently awkward situations, where within 5 to 10 minutes, these people need to evaluate your performance, understand how you’d be like to work with, and see if they think you could play the parts they are looking to fill. It’s often in a room that is too bright (harsh fluorescent lights), and an odd shape (long rectangular rooms, curvy rooms, giant function rooms, tiny cubby rooms – seen ’em). You will be one of many they’ll see that day. You stand, feeling naked, vulnerable; while the auditors sit behind desks. You exchange pleasantries, sometimes you get offered a handshake – but most times within 1 minute of getting into the room, you will be entering into a song or a monologue.

I hope there’ll be a day when I no longer find them nerve-wracking, but for now, the auditors’ eyes – and the always-present, ever-watchful video camera standing in the corner of the room – drill holes into my composure. Clearly – and fatally – I care too much about what they see and think (when what I should do is just enjoy the moment and know “I got this”).

It also didn’t help things when I found out just before entering the audition room today that a fellow actress – who has beaten me to several roles now – has been pinned for the lead role. There’s something about knowing you’ve been trumped before you’ve started that trips you up – it could trip you up in a good way, in which case it’d have taken the pressure off doing well – but in today’s case, it seemed to only stoke my anxiety further. I do try to keep it together, but then shit happens and the fear or nerves get to me and my voice doesn’t quite cooperate and it cracks. Or I trip up on a phrase. Ugh. And so I endure the humiliation as best I can, and try to finish my monologues in one piece (they were fine. Thank goodness. My one saving grace that prevented me from crumbling to my knees and crawling backwards out of the room.), say my thank yous and goodbyes with a brave (if not embarrassed) smile, and walk out, still shaking a little.

Hours later, having worn out the temporary distractions of grocery shopping and dinner and TV, it still aches to have put in such a poor show of what I could do.

It’s now 2.43am.

And I am having a realisation as I type this – that as tempting as it is to agree “Yes, I’m just not good enough; there are ones far better than me” and simply give up in shame, I’m too stubborn for that. I’ve worked so hard, and I want this too much to give up now.

So I must accept the weaknesses I have and embrace the mistakes I’ve made, and keep finding new and creative ways to overcome them.

I must believe in the possibility that I may be better – and braver – than I think I am or ever can be. No matter how ludicrous that possibility may seem at the present moment, I just have to.

I must also acknowledge that who I’m actually competing against isn’t other people – that stuff’s out of my hands. Worrying about others is merely a giant red herring. Continuing to grow and improve is the key challenge here, as is overcoming self-doubt.

It’s funny how sometimes this road I’m trundling down can feel so lonely and dark at times. But yet somehow in the process of typing out my thoughts, I have found some answers too. Life’s funny like that, isn’t it?

Good night and thanks for reading this. x

Zee – 3.17am.

When Paris goes on a charm offensive.

We were blessed with great weather in Paris. Paris just looked like it was very proud of itself, and rightly so. It was toastier and sunnier than London, requiring just a light jacket at certain points of the day, i.e. perfect walking weather.

Champs Elysees was pristine in the sunshine.

Vintage shopping in Marais was fun. I bought a couple of dresses and a skirt.

We crossed the bridge to seek out Berthillon near Notre Dame but alas it was closed for summer! Damn vacances.

The other Berthillon-supplied shops nearby stayed open to satiate the hungry tourist crowd. We settled for one, and ordered sea salt caramel, vanilla, and praline. It was gooood.

We watched the Eiffel do its dazzling dance of lights.

Had Parisian breakfasts in cafes near Madeleine.

The very last meal we had before boarding the Eurostar back to London was at Royal Madeleine. This was the total highlight of our Paris sojourn.

Royal Madeleine was charming in every way. The decor was old school but not stuffy; the service warm but elegant. The food was delicious and generously-portioned. And to top it all off, they have a handsome grey restaurant cat (I think his name was Oscar) who would slip out into the dining room sometimes then slink away just as he got your interest.

If I do return to Paris, I’ll definitely be eating at Royal Madeleine again.

 

Take me to Bath, take me to Paris.

 

 

Going back to Bath was about coming full-circle. I started this blog when I first went on exchange at the University of Bath in 2006; 7 years later, I still missed my time there and was eager to relive the memories.

Of course when you have such hefty expectations, invariably the experience lets you down. So I returned to find the Bath high street transformed – the old Sainsbury I did my groceries in, the Topshop where they had a 40% fire sale (literally – there was an actual fire in the store and they needed to clear “defective” merchandise) were now replaced by All Saints and Aveda within a new mall.

It felt very odd, like I’d gotten the address wrong and landed in the wrong town… Thank goodness our meal at Same Same But Different salvaged the trip.

We were led to it by the great reviews on Tripadvisor. Those reviews were warranted, alright.

The menu was small but interesting; the food flavorful and generous.

The next morning before we left via train, we went back to Same Same But Different for breakfast. It did not let us down. Hearty, tasty, warming.

We got back to London, hastily repacked, and then headed to Gatwick Airport for our flight to Paris.

After getting hopelessly lost while trying to find our hotel in Poissonnere, we were exhausted and grumpy when we finally checked in and settled on a diner a street away.

Little did we know that Hugo was a real gem – it had great rankings on Tripadvisor city guides, and the place was chockful of locals. Our luck finally returned when we scored the last walk-in table outside. It was 9pm but still light out! Lovely.

The savory dishes were decent – M said his seafood platter was delicious – but my favourite was the tarte tatin with ice cream.

 

 

Our hotel for three nights was Hotel du Temps – a beautiful compact boutique hotel tucked away in Poissonere. In summer, the surrounding area was pretty much dead but I bet it’d be much better in other seasons when the restaurants and cafes nearby would be open and bustling.

The hotel room was small but very comfortable and clean. Poissonere is a bit far out from the typical tourist areas – and the Pink line seemed to have a lot more crazy people on it than the Yellow line (? haha) – but overall it was a cosy home base to explore the city from.

The next day we ventured into the Marais area – and got horribly lost again. This time thanks to my lack of preparation and dogged determination to not plan (a huge departure from my travel norm) and just “enjoy the moment”.

 

Eventually we found our way to Merci and met up with a couple of our Singaporean friends who were also visiting Paris at the same time.